Oh no! You've just found... The Murderous Jokes Page! 2w4n29

A farmer has 38 sheep which he gets his collie dog to collect into a pen. When they are all inside he counts them. "Hey! There's 40 sheep here," he tells the collie. "I know," says the collie. "I rounded them up." 5w3j3s

Why did 5 eat 6? 6o476

Because 7, 8, 9

SURVEYS! 405u6w

A new government 10 year survey cost $3,000,000,000 and revealed that 3/4 of the people in America make up 75% of the population. 2b6h31

According to recent surveys, 51% of the people are in the majority.

Of the people that answered, 100% said that they were prepared to participate in a survey.

I've got a SCARY joke about the number FOUR... ... but I'm 22 to say it. 6z235j

This clip appeared in the SUN newspaper!

What shape is a KISS? It's elliptical! ( You have to say it out loud ... ...a lip tickle!) Thanks to PROFESSOR ROBIN WILSON of Oxford University for this top gag! 645c6d

An old maths joke: There are 10 types of people... those who understand binary and those who don't! 28675q

The new version:
There are 10 types of people... those who understand binary and those who don't AND those who didn't expect this joke to be in base 3!

NAOMI KRAUSHAR got this joke from her grandfather who is a pure mathematician! God told all the animals to go away and multiply, but two snakes stayed behind. "Why don't you go and multiply?" He asked them. "Because we're adders," they replied. So God cut down some trees and made for them log tables. 6n3l6s

Never fall for a tennis player......because LOVE to them means NOTHING! 4r2l5y

Why does a set of dominoes always have too many? Because there's always a double one. 6t6x1e

Veronica Gumfloss has been selling kisses at her school fete. Teacher: How much money did you make Veronica? Veronica: �20.01 Teacher: Which mean person only gave you one penny? Veronica: All of them! 692767

An infinite numbers of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says "I'll have a pint." The second says "I'll have a half" The third says "I'll have a quarter" ...and so on. 2u3o5e

The barman serves exactly two pints and says
"You guys know your limits".

Why was the maths teacher late for school? 323m2x

He got on the rhombus.

I'm terrified of the vertical axis. Why?Arghhh! 6r1w4q

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician have a length of fencing material, and they are competing to see who can enclose the biggest field. 22j4c

First the engineer makes a neat square fence.

"Rubbish!" says the physicist who then makes a circular enclosure. "The maximum area for a fixed perimeter is a circle."

But then to their amazement the mathematician says: "That's still not the biggest possible field." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:

"I define myself to be on the outside."

See the MM author when he was thin and had some hair.

Why doesn't a Frenchman ever eat two eggs? 1wv64

Because one is "un oeuf"

Jessie from B.C. Canada told us this: 1u1ft

A Mathematician, an Engineer and a Scientist are on a train when they a black sheep on a hill.
The Scientist says, "Look, the sheep here are black!"
The Engineer responds with,"Correction: At least one sheep here is black."
The Mathemetician says, "Correction: There is at least one sheep here one side of which is black."

How many sorts of pure mathematician are there? 2z1x6n

Three. The ones that can count and the ones that can't.

What's the difference between a camera and a sock? 65654g

The camera takes photos, the sock takes five toes.

Did you hear about the mathematician scared of negative numbers? 4x3i71

He'd stop at nothing to avoid them.

How does a mathematician drive round a farm? On a protractor. 4h6v2k

The MORE I hear about inverse proportion, the LESS I like it. 2o5g3n

I argued with an angle of 90º. Turns out it was right. 362g5s

What book would you hide in if you're scared? 6m2v2e

A maths book ... because there's safety in numbers!

Why was Urgum the Axeman scared of the graph? Because the graph had TWO axes. 735n3k

How does a pure mathematician pick his nose? 2c6y6n

He works it out with a pencil.

Do you know how a mathematician manages to imagine a TWELVE DIMENSIONAL Space? First he imagines an n dimensional space then he lets n =12. Easy! 294g1g

Three logic experts go into a bar. The barman says "would you all like a drink?" 5k695b

"I don't know," replies the first.

"I don't know," replies the second.

"YES we would!" replies the third.

Thanks to Michael Jones for this super-intelligent gag!

Hu Yi Jie from Singapore sent us this great joke about the "Meanies" from THE MEAN AND VULGAR BITS:

What happened to the Meanie who put his head in the oven and his feet in the fridge?

On average he felt fine!